VIVA LA REVOLUCION!

The following is a prime example of how the people in the world of retail are starting to revolt against pretentious customers:

(in the form of a letter to a customer)

Dear complete asshole customer that forgot your debit card because you were on the phone and came back 2 hours later accusing me of stealing it,

It was in my drawer, but now it's in the trash can.

Love,
Employee

Now, I hope we have all learned a little lesson in being nice to the retail employees. Go forth and conquer!

Almost There

I'm fresh off a short morning shift and couldn't resist telling this story. So I happen to pick up a headset call this morning for one of the most indecisive women of the day.  It went a little like this:

Me: Hey what can I do for you today?
Customer: Uh, I'm not sure yet.
M: Ok take your time, let me know when you're ready.
(45 seconds pass in complete silence)
M: You have any questions about anything?
C: No, almost there.
(not quite sure I heard her right, at the time, so I didn't respond)
(another 45 seconds pass)
C: Almost there!
M: Are you sure you don't have any questions?
C: Almost there!
(at this point, I've understood her and am baffled as to whether or not she is talking to me...or finishing up, *ahem* something.)

Really that was it. I mean, she ordered and everything, but that was it. It was quite the curious interaction and it made me nervous. Who says "almost there" in a drive-thru? It sounds almost as though she was having a sexual act performed on her. There....I said it.

In other news, it was crazy busy today and it made me want to stomp on 2 day old kittens. A lot of smart-asses and dumb-asses should be enjoying some headaches later.

Who serves coffee in a coffeeshop?

I answered a headset call the other day only to hear the first words out of the lady's mouth as follows, "Do ya'll serve coffee here?" And I know she is not blind because she wouldn't be driving if she were, so it rules that out. I just wonder what runs through a person's mind when they say something like that. And then I think, maybe I SHOULDN'T give her decaf because she obviously needs caffeine to function on the simplest level in society. We wouldn't want to unleash that kind of stupid onto everyone else...would we?

Derpa Derp

Blended. Blender. Blend. All the same general word. Iced--not the same. So why, I ask, is it so difficult for a person to understand the difference. I have asked many a customer "Did you want that Iced or Blended?" and all too often the response is "I don't understand the difference." Use your noggin. If not to figure out the difference on your own, then to hit it upon your steering wheel for not recognizing the difference in the first place.
I would like to add that often times a customer seems a bit put out by the mass amounts of questions we may ask with your one little drink, but in the end, we do it for you (read: we do it for ourselves). So if I am asking you your chocolate preference, size, hot or cold, etc...please do not drive off in the middle of these questions because frankly I will just refuse to make your drink. No, that's not true. But once again, you WILL get decaf and you will get whatever chocolate I feel like giving you that day and you WILL get it hot. Now normally, if you make that stupid boo-boo of realizing you wanted it over ice cubes, I will remake your drink in it's entirety. But I'm starting to think that you may just deserve a drink that was made hot then poured over ice to water it down immensely, thus ruining the flavor. It is all you deserve.

Either way, enjoy your headache, bitches!

Drinkin' Like a Poor Woman

Recently, a co-worker of mine had an interesting customer experience. That experience was worthy of being documented in this blog.

My co-worker got the pleasure of assisting 2 rich, snobby women. They wanted the sparkling water that we now offer. So my co-worker hands them the bottles and one of the women says "Do you guys have the glass bottles? I like those better." and my co-worker says, "We don't. We recently started carrying them and this is what we were given" The woman then proceeds to ask if we have any glasses she can pour it into you know "Like the one's in that picture?". Naturally, my co-worker says, "No, all we have to offer you is a mug or I can give you a plastic cup if you would like." So of course, the woman takes it. No ice. She merely wants to pour sparkling water in a plastic bottle into a plastic cup. The customer then turns to her friend and says, "Do you want a cup too? I can get her to give you one as well." and her friend says,

"No, I want to drink like a poor woman."

So. Recap. You got a plastic bottle. Poured the same drink into a plastic cup. Way to not save the environment.

She also left her cup and bottle at the end of the bar on the ledge and told her friend to do the same. It is people like her that make me want to quit just so I can tell them off. Seriously, I think I would actually call my boss and quit just so I could tell her off. That would be most rewarding. Also, kudos to my co-worker who managed to not hysterically laugh in their faces.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to drink some water, like a poor woman would.

This isn't a good surprise.

It has come to my attention that it is very difficult for people who use public restrooms to treat them as their own bathrooms. Yeah, there are bathrooms out there in public that are disgusting, get cleaned once a month, and have thousands of people using them. However, in a coffeeshop, this is not the case. In case you didn't notice, that toilet was clean (inside and out) until you put your ass on it and decided to shit against the back of the toilet. Who does that? I mean, is it absolutely necessary to sit that far back against the seat for that to happen? Ok, I understand, coffee gives you the shits. How about you courtesy flush, or flush it a few more times to get the poop off the inside? We won't judge you. It is only until about 6 hours later when I have to scrape it off that I judge you.

Also, it has been noted that some people don't exactly know the location of the flusher, or how to use it. Here is the proper use of the toilet and how to execute a flush. (this is not just for males either.)

Just in case you need it, here is another diagram.

Simple. It's simple, I tell ya. Now go forth and share this nugget of information with the rest of the world!



This ain't Wal Mart

Ok, I understand if you don't like the coffee you bought or the cup you purchased just didn't fit in your car's cupholder, but please, in a morning rush, for the LOVE OF ALL THINGS HOLY, don't change your mind about something you ordered. I'll be more specific, if you order an oatmeal, then decide to add another oatmeal to your order and then pull up to the window and decide you only want ONE of the two oatmeals you ordered, i will punch you. Not really, but I wasted product to make that.  I don't like to waste product.

I have almost no problem with you adding something to your order at the window, e.g. a muffin, an oatmeal, another drink (please limit it at one. kthanks.) but deciding you weren't that hungry right then and causing an overring makes me mad. I really don't care for making oatmeal. It takes up unnecessary  space and time. I'd rather not make two. Get it? Ok. now be gone with you.