acknowledge your surroundings

Rule number 3 and probably the most important rule: know your sizes. your NORMAL sizes.

Let me elaborate. About 98% of the coffeehouses in the country function with sizes that everyone can relate to: Small, Medium (sometimes Regular, but that's ok), and Large (there is also the occasional Extra-Large for those who like to indulge society).  I know some like to feel European and high society by saying Tall, Grande, or Venti...but I don't think they really understand those sizes, at least not in relation to somewhere besides Starbucks. Even in relation to Starbucks. I think most people stand there looking at the menu and think, "Which size word sounds the best today? Hmmmm, Venti. I don't know what that is, but I think it sounds like a Venti kind of day. " And you know what? That is fine if you think that way. If you go to Starbucks. 

Try to avoid conversations like this with your barista (they may slap you in the face...mentally, I mean.):

Barista: Hey, what can I do for you today?

Customer: Uh, yeah, I'd like a Grande Quad Latte

B: Ok, is that a Large latte, extra shot?

C: NO! IT'S A SMALL! WITH FOUR SHOTS! GEEZ!

B: (thinks to herself) It's decaf for you, sir.

or this:

(actual conversation)

Barista: Hey, what can I get going for you?

Customer: I need* a medium coffee and then a....tall caramel latte.

B: Ok, a medium coffee and a small caramel latte?

C: TALL. I SAID TALL!..

B: Right, and we have sizes Small, Medium, and Large, so which one would you like?

C: IT'S MEDIUM.

B: Ok, please pull around.

*Try to avoid the use of "need" and "gimme" when you are ordering a coffee. Again, that is a different story.*

You really just sound like an idiot when you argue with someone who is CLEARLY right. It also makes that person a lot less likely to want to be nice to you. And when a barista decides not to be nice anymore, you better watch out. We have the power here. We really do. So please, take those five extra seconds to realize that after your drink description on the menu, there are sizes that you need to use. I mean, what were you doing standing there for five minutes with your mouth open, staring at the same menu board? 

And with that, I'll leave you with a quote from Role Models:

"No, venti is twenty. Large is large. In fact, tall is large and grande is Spanish for large. Venti is the only one that doesn't mean large. It's also the only one that's Italian. Congratulations, you're stupid in three languages."