Drinkin' Like a Poor Woman

Recently, a co-worker of mine had an interesting customer experience. That experience was worthy of being documented in this blog.

My co-worker got the pleasure of assisting 2 rich, snobby women. They wanted the sparkling water that we now offer. So my co-worker hands them the bottles and one of the women says "Do you guys have the glass bottles? I like those better." and my co-worker says, "We don't. We recently started carrying them and this is what we were given" The woman then proceeds to ask if we have any glasses she can pour it into you know "Like the one's in that picture?". Naturally, my co-worker says, "No, all we have to offer you is a mug or I can give you a plastic cup if you would like." So of course, the woman takes it. No ice. She merely wants to pour sparkling water in a plastic bottle into a plastic cup. The customer then turns to her friend and says, "Do you want a cup too? I can get her to give you one as well." and her friend says,

"No, I want to drink like a poor woman."

So. Recap. You got a plastic bottle. Poured the same drink into a plastic cup. Way to not save the environment.

She also left her cup and bottle at the end of the bar on the ledge and told her friend to do the same. It is people like her that make me want to quit just so I can tell them off. Seriously, I think I would actually call my boss and quit just so I could tell her off. That would be most rewarding. Also, kudos to my co-worker who managed to not hysterically laugh in their faces.

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to drink some water, like a poor woman would.

This isn't a good surprise.

It has come to my attention that it is very difficult for people who use public restrooms to treat them as their own bathrooms. Yeah, there are bathrooms out there in public that are disgusting, get cleaned once a month, and have thousands of people using them. However, in a coffeeshop, this is not the case. In case you didn't notice, that toilet was clean (inside and out) until you put your ass on it and decided to shit against the back of the toilet. Who does that? I mean, is it absolutely necessary to sit that far back against the seat for that to happen? Ok, I understand, coffee gives you the shits. How about you courtesy flush, or flush it a few more times to get the poop off the inside? We won't judge you. It is only until about 6 hours later when I have to scrape it off that I judge you.

Also, it has been noted that some people don't exactly know the location of the flusher, or how to use it. Here is the proper use of the toilet and how to execute a flush. (this is not just for males either.)

Just in case you need it, here is another diagram.

Simple. It's simple, I tell ya. Now go forth and share this nugget of information with the rest of the world!



This ain't Wal Mart

Ok, I understand if you don't like the coffee you bought or the cup you purchased just didn't fit in your car's cupholder, but please, in a morning rush, for the LOVE OF ALL THINGS HOLY, don't change your mind about something you ordered. I'll be more specific, if you order an oatmeal, then decide to add another oatmeal to your order and then pull up to the window and decide you only want ONE of the two oatmeals you ordered, i will punch you. Not really, but I wasted product to make that.  I don't like to waste product.

I have almost no problem with you adding something to your order at the window, e.g. a muffin, an oatmeal, another drink (please limit it at one. kthanks.) but deciding you weren't that hungry right then and causing an overring makes me mad. I really don't care for making oatmeal. It takes up unnecessary  space and time. I'd rather not make two. Get it? Ok. now be gone with you.

Tipping is NOT a place in China.

Yeah. I said it.
*DISCLAIMER*:This is being written out of sheer frustration.

We got a customer survey response back the other day and this is what it read(not verbatim, as i don't have it in front of me): Tips jars should be removed. I'm already paying $5 for my drink, I shouldn't have to tip on top of that.

 It is my (and everyone else's) understanding that tipping is optional. We don't even have a place on a credit card receipt for you to add a tip on your card. Frankly, these tip jars are non-evasive. Is there some little elf running around biting your hand if it does not drop money in the tip jar? (I mean, if you are on certain drugs, maybe there is. In which case, it sounds like there is a deeper issue at hand than the presence of tip jars). I feel like the effort we put in to serving you, keeping the store clean, and cleaning up after you deserves at least a 15% tip. I mean really, just the other day we had to clean up poop off the men's room floor. I think there's a rule somewhere that states, "Thou shalt tip if thoust leaves an unwanted present on the bathroom floor". Do you know how hard I struggle not to put dirt in your cup when you are mean to me? That most certainly deserves a quarter. Or two.

So I started this off about how I'm writing this out of frustration. The frustration did not stem from that comment. No no, I simply laughed at that one. The frustration came from the 5 hours I worked today with fairly steady, even busy traffic most of the time I was there. What do I have to show for it? $3.79 in tips. Frankly, the amount of "Uuuuums" and drink remakes and indecision I dealt with should have gotten me at least $10 in tips. Sounds reasonable to me.

Next time you find yourself ordering a $7 drink, please stop and think about the amount of self-control it takes not to rub some dirt in your cup before handing it to you. Maybe then you'll find yourself tipping.

So this is the new year?

I had to quote Death Cab for a minute there. They are currently playing on the Musak cd we have.

With a new year, you would think the customers would have resolved to be better people...ok. Maybe not better people, but a little easier to deal with, right? Well, these are lies. Blatant lies.

We have a customer who comes in all the time. In the past he always ordered a drink, such as a latte, iced coffee, etc. He would sit for hours on his computer. That's cool. He purchased something and was in here everyday, almost. Suddenly, that changed. Oh, he comes in alright, still sits here for hours but never buys anything. Ok, he buys a diet coke once in a blue moon, but seeing as though blue moons don't occur that often (or ever?) he is now just mooching.

Now that you have a bit of background on him, I will tell you a story....
Once upon a time, two coworkers were closing on a Friday night. One of them, we'll call Wilma. Wilma went out to wipe off tables in the lobby, including the conference room. (Now, keep in mind, the conference room is open to everyone, you just have to keep the doors open. Oh, sure, you can rent to room for around 40 dollars an hour, but if you are just in there studying, I don't recommend doing this because you want peace and quiet.)
So back to the story. Wilma walks over to the conference room to wipe off tables and notices the doors are closed. So she goes to open them and they are locked. She knew for a fact that no one had rented the room and there were only 3 people in there. One woman looks up and gives her this "I don't know" look and so Wilma looks over at the previously mentioned customer (we'll call him Jimmy Neutron) and he looks at Wilma slightly dumbfounded for a second and then unlocks the door. In a nice tone, Wilma proceeds to explain why the doors cannot be closed and locked and Jimmy starts to get defensive. Wilma then walks away.

Later on that evening, Wilma goes in there again to wipe tables and Jimmy is in there by himself.

Jimmy: How much advance notice do you have to give to reserve the room?
Wilma: Well, sir, you can reserve it at anytime, as long as no one else has reserved it. But I will tell you, it is not worth your money to reserve it just for doing work.
Jimmy: Well, it is too loud out there! This is a coffeeshop!
Wilma: Yes, exactly, sir. This is a public place for people to gather. They do not have to be quiet.

Wilma then proceeds to walk off as Jimmy is getting slightly heated and is rambling on. Wilma didn't want to hear his crap anymore, which is why she walked off as this happened. Uh, The End.

So the thing is guys, coffeeshops are not libraries. Don't ever mistake them for libraries. If you want it silent, go to a library and get your work done there. Coffeeshops have no rules that say they have to be quiet, and frankly, I will laugh in your face if you think that. Get a clue and stop trying to get serious work done here that requires peace and quiet. If you walk into my shop with this thinking, I will make your life difficult without you knowing it. And if you're Jimmy and you aren't purchasing anything and you pull this stunt again, I will kick you out. Seriously, my manager gave me permission to do so.

Merry Christmas!

I want to thank the customers we have that are just plain awesome. I stopped by work last night and a co-worker brought me $10. At first I thought I actually had a secret santa, and that they got really lazy. Then I found out that a customer gave it to everyone. He didn't even want anyone to really know it was him. I managed to get it out of my co-worker who it was, though. :) There are a good 20 customers that just make my day better, and I'm starting to think that is why I keep at that job. So Merry Christmas to my favorites! Thanks for all the smiles, the encouraging words, the thanks, and the patience you exhibit. I wish there was something I could do for all of you. Merry Christmas, guys!

Sugar and Spice and everything nice.

No, not little girls.

So I get the pleasure of being on headset the other morning. (Hey, it's better than being on bar.) Well, a woman orders a latte and then proceeds to stumble over her words to ask for extra sweetener in it. So naturally, I ask if she wants a flavor syrup (yes, I said SEErup and not SURrup.). Her response was as follows, "I want that artificial sugar." (Woman, do you understand how vague that is?) So I ask her what kind she wants and she replies with "I want that yeller stuff." How do you know you want that if you don't even know what it is called?

I'm constantly baffled by how people can't be bothered to remember what they like, but insist that they get it exactly how they like it. When I ask them things like "Do you want cream or sugar?", they huff and puff. But if i were to forget that or if they were given the wrong drink (say, a black coffee), they would immediately come back and complain and insist on a free drink. Why not go that extra mile and remember what you like, remember how much of it you like, and remember what it is called that you put in your drink.

Actual conversation I had the other day in the drive-thru.
Me: Hey what can I do for you?
Customer: I want that marshamellah mocha.
Me: ok, what else can I do for you?
C: Oh, with extra marshmellah!
Me: Alright, did you want extra SEErup or extra toppings.
C: MARSHMELLAH! I JUST WANT MARSHMELLAH!
Me: OK MA'AM, BUT. DO. YOU. WANT. THE. TOPPINGS. OR. THE. SYRUP. THAT. GOES. IN. THE. CUP?
C: oh, the toppin's I guess?
Me: Ok, sounds GREAT. We'll have that for you at the window.